Sometimes, rough moments drop out of the sky without warning, which often makes them feel even worse. I've been thoroughly enjoying life these past few months; dinners out with friends, relaxing Sunday mornings reading the newspaper, sitting by our neighborhood pool, and generally taking advantage of what this city offers in the summer. However, I've spent a lot of today trying to shake an underlying feeling of "blah".
"Blah", you know, the all-encompassing term for that ambiguous shadow staring over your shoulder for no reason. I've come a long way in the last few years, and especially since starting this blog, but the voice of self-doubt spoke a little louder this morning. For me, all feelings of self-doubt, low self-esteem, etc., stem from my food anxiety. Did I overeat at last night's event? Did I eat the wrong/right things? There are so many more social events coming up, can I deal with them?
Before you even start your response, please know I fully embrace how ridiculous these questions are, and that they only feed into an unrealistic vision of health. The same exact unrealistic vision I fight so hard against in my personal and professional lives. However, just because these two sides of me contradict one another does not make either one of them less valid. I can strongly advocate for greater kindness toward our bodies, yet still struggle to show kindness to my own.
I titled this post 10 Steps Forward, 2 Steps Back for a reason. Although in this moment I feel defeated, I can also examine the larger journey and realize all the progress I've made. This is something I would not have been able to do a few years ago. I believe we all gain perspective with each new life experience, but I also believe we can learn to have perspective; actively choosing to view tough times through a wider lens.
So what am I going to do to break through today? In previous posts I've discussed some of the things that help me like taking a walk, doing yoga, watching a good movie, or simply just acknowledging the "blah", but I think today is about perspective. There's a reason this post's title jumped into my brain; it's like my mind wants to help me appreciate my progress and see all of the good around me. And there is a lot of good. I'm going to let myself feel "blah" for just a few more minutes, but then I'm going to stand up, take a few relaxing breaths, pick something productive to complete, and shake off the negativity floating above my head.
For anyone else looking for good coping mechanisms for your own moments of "blah", here are a few things to try:
Walking enthusiast, kitchen experimenter, sports lover (watching, not playing), and future world traveler.
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